All The Letters I’ve Ever Read by Gray Ace

Author:Gray, Ace
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: The Handwritten & Heartbroken Duet, Book Two
Publisher: Pyramid Peak Press
Published: 2020-02-26T16:00:00+00:00

“What in the hell was that?” I ask Mina as I walk beside her, hands shoved deep into my pockets beneath the crisp fall moonlight of Pyramid Peak.

“I was just trying to help.” Her arms are woven around her stomach as she walks beside me, not once shifting to reach for me. She’s right there but she’s a million miles away.

“Help me what? Make sentences? I’ve been known to manage once or twice.” There’s an edge to my voice I don’t mean. It’s weeks of pent up frustration, it’s Tanner, and her absence. It’s something that I don’t mean for her to see but it’s peeking out anyway. I take a deep breath and try and pull it back in. “Sorry, Meen, I haven’t felt that stupid in a long time. Or like I wasn’t good enough.” I sigh, pulling one hand from my pocket to rub my temples.

“That’s not…I’d never…” She chokes on her words.

I sigh. “I know,” I say because I do. I know that she wasn’t trying to hurt me but it doesn’t change that she did. “I’m just particularly tired of us accidentally being wrecking balls in each other’s lives today. First it was me, now it’s you. Isn’t it supposed to get easier?”

“I’m a wrecking ball?” she asks softly, her words still rough as they work their way out.

“No, Meen, that’s not…it’s just that…” I growl in frustration. “I’m not good articulating emotions but I’m trying. I’m trying to tell you that I don’t feel like I’m enough lately and tonight really didn’t help.” I don’t mean to be yelling by the end of it, but I am, and she shrinks back from it. From me. “Fuck,” I snarl as I drop down into a crouch and take my head in my hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” I steady myself and my voice.

“I knew you were miserable.” Her voice is so timid, she sounds so far away. “I just wanted to make it as painless as possible.”

My heart cracks. Of course that was her motive, of course I was an ass for misinterpreting it. Are those letters making me crazy? Have I built this all up wrong in my head?

“And the last few weeks?” I have to know. I have to know if this chasm between us is real or imagined.

“My mom was sick.” It’s her only defense.

“And when she gets sick again?”

“Fuck you, James. Fuck you so much for saying that.” Tears spring to life on her face, rolling down her soft skin and leaving shimmers in the moonlight.

I close my eyes and inwardly curse myself. The way I phrased that might as well have been a spear I decided to hurtle straight at Mina’s heart. I stand up from my crouch and step toward her. She grips herself tighter and backs away.

“I’m screwing everything up again,” I say softly. “I only meant, what happens when life gets hard again. Are you going to push me away then too?”

“I didn’t mean to.

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